A Journey to the Island Talango

This story began
when we agreed to visit a friend's house on the island Talango. On Sunday
morning at 05:30 exactly friends had gathered at my house to ride their bicycles
to go to the island Talango, where my friends live. Travel to the island
Talango fun because this is the first time we travel far by riding a bicycle.
The beauty of the scenery and the cool morning air is felt as we passed up the
trip in the harbor Kalianget. Kalianget port is a means of crossing that
connects the island Talango - Sapeken - Kangean.

On arrival at
the port Kalianget, we rest and walk around the harbor area, while enjoying the
beautiful blue sea and ships and wind gusts that made cool and peaceful heart.
Once was enough, then we boarded the ship to arrive on the island. Gusts of
wind blowing breeze and sunny weather made ​​our trip was meaningful. And once
again the landscape was presented a panorama of natural beauty that God has
created. About 10 minutes to cross, we finally arrived the island.

We rushed home
leaving friends. Arriving at his house, we go inside and we were presented with
a wide range of food and drinks. Formed friendships lead to a feeling of
happiness that arise because of the sense of the meeting. Was so much fun we
conversed between one and the other does not feel the time is 12 o'clock.
Finally we decided to go home because it was noon. We also said goodbye to
friends and family to get back to his house , respectively. Although much and feel tired , we were still
excited. It is fun and exciting to get together with friends.


However ,
suddenly on the way home me and my friends agreed to visit the little market to
coast at the western end of the island Talango. The island is very lush, green
environment as seen there, the number of trees that grow in the right and left
side of the road. Once satisfied to see the sights there, we finally go home. I
feel this trip was fun because it was an adventure in the wild.

koreksikn pernyataan berikut sesuai dg teks berikut sesuai kaidahnya recount,baik dlm pngaturn bhs katx,past tense serta to benya,,jwbn trbaik akn d brikn apbila menylsaikanx dg baik terima kasih,,jng jwb smbrngn







1

Jawabanmu

Jawaban paling cerdas!
2014-03-12T22:49:54+07:00
((First Paragraph))

The
story began when we agreed to visit a friend's house on Talango (Island <- optional). On Sunday morning at exactly 05:30 our friends had gathered at my house to ride their bicycles to go to Talango, where my friends lived. The journey was fun because it was the first time we traveled by riding a bicycle. The beauty of the scenery and the cool morning air was refreshing as we passed up the trip in Kalianget Harbor. Kalianget port is a means of crossing that connects the island Talango - Sapeken - Kangean

((Second Paragraph))

On arrival at Kalianget Harbor, we rested, then walked around the harbor area, whilst (It's really up to you whether if you want to use 'whilst' or 'while') enjoying the beautiful blue sea and ships and wind gusts that made our hearts peaceful and cool. Once was enough, then we boarded the ship to arrive on the island. Gusts of wind blowing breeze and sunny weather made ​​our trip meaningful. And once again, we were presented by the stunning beauty of nature that God has created. About 10 minutes later, we finally arrived on  the island.

((Third Paragraph))

We rushed home, leaving our friends. At my friend's house, we went inside and then were presented with a variety of food and drinks. Formed friendships led to a feeling of happiness that arose due to the atmosphere of the meeting. It was so much fun. when we conversed between one another until we didn't know that it was 12 o'clock midday. Finally, we decided to return home. We also said goodbye to our friends and family to get back to my friend's house, respectively. Although we felt extremely exhausted, we were still excited. It was fun and exciting to get together with friends.

((Fourth Paragraph))

However, suddenly on the way home, me and my friends agreed to visit the little market at the western end of Talango. The island was lush and green. There were lots of trees that grew on both sides of the road. Once we were satisfied, we finally went back home. Personally, I thought this trip was fun because it was an adventure in the wild.

((End))

I'm sorry that I almost completely altered the 3rd and 4th paragraph. I hope it's ok.

arise - arose <- past tense

while - whilst

Whilst is a more 'dramatic' form of whileWhilst is an older form of while, but they basically have the same meaning.
Previously I had all the mistakes marked but when I copied it, the marks were gone so plz bear with me.

--

Maaf aku hampir mengubah total paragraf 3 sama 4, semoga gpp.

Past tense banyak memakai was / were
fourth paragraph correction (me and my friends agreed to visit 'a' little market at the western end....)